he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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