My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
