I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is Oprah even human
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
