Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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