planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Someone came in the potted fern
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
