laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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