Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
