This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
