actually, I'm a sock model
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize