I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
