How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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