i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
