There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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