When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
