she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
