hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
