a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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