It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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