I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
