I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
