Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
