you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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