you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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