Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
