Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize