Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
