Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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