I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
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he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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