is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
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I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
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i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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