Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
