She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
