so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
