Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

(1-973): View more from New Jersey

Guess she heard her killer coming

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(571): View more from Virginia

Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..

(703): View more from Virginia

this can't be going anywhere good

(571): View more from Virginia

nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\

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(512): View more from Texas

Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january

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(630): View more from Illinois

This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!

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