So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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