after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
