my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she pinky promised me she was 18
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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