He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
