Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
