Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize