Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
