they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
