Yo dont text me then not text me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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