sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
