he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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