Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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