Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
