do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
