Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
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Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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