he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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