I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just invented taco cereal.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
