So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
