she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
