Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
