An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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