Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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