Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.