Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?

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  (908): do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card? http://tfl.nu/jvvm
  Replies (219) Good night (853) Bad night (6955)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.

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  (302): She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god. http://tfl.nu/566r
  Replies (25) Good night (4958) Bad night (491)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.

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  (704): Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway. http://tfl.nu/y0w4
  Replies (9) Good night (3573) Bad night (572)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.

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  (704): Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten. http://tfl.nu/097z
  Replies (35) Good night (473) Bad night (4782)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

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  (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8
  Replies (116) Good night (6649) Bad night (1492)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...

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  (814): I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up... http://tfl.nu/nkqy
  Replies (13) Good night (2894) Bad night (2520)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"

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  (870): he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs" http://tfl.nu/uf2c
  Replies (9) Good night (2499) Bad night (713)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face

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  (802): i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face http://tfl.nu/in3q
  Replies (6) Good night (715) Bad night (1616)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!

  (623): View more from Arizona

  It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...

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  (602): If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection! (623): It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now... http://tfl.nu/u3ol
  Replies (6) Good night (2442) Bad night (716)
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  (607): View more from New York

  The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.

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  (607): The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude. http://tfl.nu/ttzr
  Replies (8) Good night (1373) Bad night (634)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Life is too short to have fake orgasms.

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  (412): Life is too short to have fake orgasms. http://tfl.nu/1oh4
  Replies (14) Good night (2782) Bad night (511)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party

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  (602): The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party http://tfl.nu/nvop
  Replies (2) Good night (909) Bad night (287)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.

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  (940): Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me. http://tfl.nu/f1j1
  Replies (2) Good night (616) Bad night (241)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???

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  (703): My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT??? http://tfl.nu/9h42
  Replies (3) Good night (747) Bad night (236)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.

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  (608): He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love. http://tfl.nu/9m9h
  Replies (1) Good night (470) Bad night (132)

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