there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.