You're my little dorito
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
