Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
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Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
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It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace