Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.