someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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