the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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