well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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