Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
