dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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