That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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