There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
