Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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