is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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