I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
