Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
