I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
