Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
