I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
