I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
