I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
