My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
