I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i will never coherently bang her
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
